Human nature comes with a multitude of weird quirks, with one of those being our natural disposition to competition, or “fighting” for what seems like a challenge. Throughout evolution, this concept may have started with the chase for food or shelter, but flash forward to the 21st century: you may find yourself fighting for the attention from one girl or boy who may not have their eye set on you as you do for them, leading to a stronger sense of attraction. 

There is a science to this mental phenomenon that leads you to feel overwhelming emotions toward someone who does not reciprocate those feelings. Behind the ever-growing attraction is a chemical called dopamine, the same hormone and “love chemical” that activates a feeling of euphoria commonly associated with the feeling you get once rewarded for a task. For example, we have wired our brains to seek out the thrill, like the one you feel at the very top of the rollercoaster and the rewarding feeling of making it down, causing you to “chase” that natural high caused by this action of seeking out.

Now, once an individual has felt what it feels like to fulfill the “craving” of the chase, it compels them to want more; that is why when someone does not give you the attention you so desperately crave, these hormones and chemicals have programmed you to work to make them want you, to feel the reward of it all.  

This pursuit of the “unattainable” option also contributes to the very common issue of choosing the wrong one. For example, two guys may like a girl, however, of the two there is an obvious better choice — the guy who puts in the effort, actually mirrors the feelings you have for them and ensures you do not feel like you are the main communicator in a relationship. However, due to this psychological chase, many end up going for the wrong person — the one who does not give you any attention, leads one on and only talks or texts when it is beneficial for them. The reasoning behind all of this is the “allure” of not caring.

According to the Huffington Post’s Interview with Heartbreak Coach Manj Bahra, there are three components to chase: “the thrill of pursuing someone unattainable, the excitement of overcoming obstacles and the belief in the value of the prize.”

The first two components are explained above, however, the third part is very crucial yet commonly overlooked. When having a crush, some people tend to build up the person in their head. In other words, you create an entirely different version of them in your mind, causing you to become obsessed with your dream partner when, in reality, you have created a fantasy, and they are quite different from the image in your head.

This feeling is known as limerence, which according to Psychology Today, is a state of involuntary obsession to someone, coined the ‘limerent object.’ Limerence contrasts love and lust, it bases itself upon the uncertainty of the person desired. Today many may call themselves “delusional,” but the proper term for it is limerence. Limerence has the following effects: uncontrolled thinking of the other person, dopamine causing feelings of euphoria when around them, stress and frustration due to the casualty of the situation in comparison to the build-up in one’s head.

All of these psychological factors play a key role in the chase and all the other mind games and decisions that come along with trying to find “the one.” So, the next time you find yourself chasing, think about the constant loop it throws you in, pick your head up and brush it off for better: it will come.